Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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