Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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