Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
