I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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