I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my liver is dry heaving
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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