And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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