I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i think im in europe. pls send help
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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