I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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