I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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