am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
3 2 1 whiskey
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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