I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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