i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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