just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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