I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
