1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
