i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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