I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
