He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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