He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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