# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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