I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize