I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
