I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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