I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
