dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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