You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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