Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
