And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
