What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
