Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
