Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
