she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
