she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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