franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
