My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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