how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
