i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
