Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
