when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize