and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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