Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
