He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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