This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
