are you still at the devil's house?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize