No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
