is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
