And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
