Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
