So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
