Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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