I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
