I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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