Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
