i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
