Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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