Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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