My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
