You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
