Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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