More tranny stories later!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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