I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize