I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
