how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
