Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
