I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
