I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
