how can u be prego again
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
