If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
whose parrot is this?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
