He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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