Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
