I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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