3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
