i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
