I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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