just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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