I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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