Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
