I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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