Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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