I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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