Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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