went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
