His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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