It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I believe in your delicious
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
