my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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