when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
