one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
