The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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