After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
