this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
should my penis look like a turkey
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize