she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
