Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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