I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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