Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
