hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
