so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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