This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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