Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
