the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
