Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Randomize