i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
