she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
