Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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