I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
