I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize