I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
